Disney/Marvel miniseries: it must happen.

Disney bought Marvel Comics! On Twitter (#disneymarvel) everybody is goofing around on the possibilities for what this means. Here is my pitch for the Disney/Marvel miniseries:

Uncle Scrooge buys the Marvel Universe. This is utterly staggering for all concerned. Donald can't believe that even *Scrooge* can buy a *universe,* J. Jonah Jameson is howling that there's no way the universe he lives in can be sold to some duck, and the Marvel Universe super-villains are extraordinarily put out. They've been trying to conquer the universe for so long that they're appalled to find out that some rich dilettante just up and bought it for cash.

The Daily Bugle sends a team over to the Disney Universe to interview Scrooge. Jonah insists on going along, and he and Scrooge wind up in a screaming argument that nearly escalates to a Disney-style fistfight. Jonah winds up in jail next to the Beagle Boys, who are astonished to learn from him what resources the bad guys in his universe can bring to bear.

After a jailbreak involving them, Jonah, and some other Disney villains (Ursula and Cruella DeVille flirt brazenly with Jonah, now their hostage, throughout), and a quick stop in the evidence room for some of their universe's more nefarious items (e.g., the oil lamp containing the now-genied Jafar), the Beagle Boys make their way to the Marvel Universe, where their arrival is noted by none other than Dr. Doom. After a brief summit, Doom is alternately impressed (Ursula) and appalled (the Beagle Boys) by the caliber of villainy the Disney Universe has to offer. He rounds up a number of other Marvel villains, and proposes the revisitation of an old idea: ACTS OF VENGEANCE, the supervillain gift swap in which everybody attacks each others' archenemies. And what a line-up!

Cruella DeVille vs. She-Hulk (a legal thriller!)
Ursula vs. Namor!
The Beagle Boys vs. Spider-Man!
Jafar vs. Dr. Strange!
and more!

And meanwhile, while the major powers of the Disney Universe are occupied -- because Mickey, Donald, et al. head over to the Marvels to try to put a stop to the goings-on over there -- Dr. Doom seizes the clear field left by the Disney villains who're battling the heroes of the Marvel Universe and makes a play to seize the Disneyverse for his own. This means, of course, he must fight the person who is obviously the central figure of the Disneyverse. Obviously to *Doom,* anyway.

Uncle Scrooge vs. Doctor Doom.

You KNOW you want to see it.

(Hmm. Maybe Ursula should hook up with Galactus.)

selection from "The Iron Mermaid"

Blame dafnap, sotto_voice, and prosodi for this one. Originally posted in comments under flock, now inflicted on you here. The Disney acquisition of Marvel taken to its logical extreme, with that heart-warming animated musical, THE IRON MERMAID.

TONY STARK:
Hey, buy my missile
it's really neat
it blows up stuff like you wouldn't believe
here, General, have a scotch -- I'll drink while I'm strolling.
Free booze thrown in
with every sale
no wonder my lawyers always turn pale.
Call Obie at home, deal's done, now I'm rolling...
I took over dad's business at twenty,
I'll sell you the guns for your wars.
Have I had Maxim girls? Oh, yeah. PLENTY.
Did I call them again? No, what for?
I get to sleep with the hottest girls,
though I'm not one of those beta fellows
who call a girl or take her out -- what's the word? Right. "Twice."
I drink like a fish, and abuse my friends,
I've got an airplane with stripperdesses,
I guess you could say that I'm not --
oh, whaddya call it? Right. "Nice."
What's that ahead, a bump in the road?
holy shit, I just heard something explode!
oh goodness me
I think I see
a hole in my chest...

I'm not that brave when I'm in a cave, being waterboarded,
I'm not unique: in a week, I could be dead --
so Yinsen says, and so I guess I'll have to build an arc reactor,
working harder, make powered armor, punch in some heads --

Now Yinsen is dead, and the bad guys too,
I'm going home, gonna eat cheeseburgers,
and maybe I'll even -- what's the word? "Change!"
Maybe it's strange,
But maybe somehow,
I'll be a hero, starting right now --
I'll stay up at night
and work by the light
that glows in my chest.

( This was when I realized Obadiah was Sebastian. )

APED: "corporate acquisition"

Disney's buying Marvel and Starbucks bought New York,
and Microsoft bought Redmond long ago,
the Pirate Bay bought a pirate ship,
bought some cannons to equip,
stole Windows, Marvel, then New York, and the whole friggin' show.

It's corporate acquisition,
buy another company,
or maybe buy a town,
it's corporate acquisition,
the sweetest thing that ever did go down.

Columbia bought Tri-Star,
or were bought by and by,
And some folks buy and sell themselves
which I admit does sound quite swell;
I'd sell out in a minute if someone would only buy.

It's corporate acquisition,
buy out your competitor
and then buy out yourself
it's corporate acquisition,
making keeping track of who owns who a real damn living hell.