sonia: Quilted wall-hanging (Default)
[personal profile] sonia
Dating Tips for the Feminist Man by Nora Samaran.

An earlier article from the same blog as the previous link I posted.

10. Share the load. Consider it your responsibility to be continually self-reflexive about your actions and their effects. Don’t wait to be taught, because that puts multiple burdens on the other: to understand and name the harm that’s affecting them, and to take the risk to talk to you about it, and to find language to articulate it in a way you’ll hear. Those things all take a lot of energy and are not easy.


I'm wanting to get that quote engraved as a sign for my door. And as a footer on my email.

star trek rec: communication

Feb. 13th, 2016 10:53 am
runpunkrun: combat boot, pizza, camo pants = punk  (Default)
[personal profile] runpunkrun
Communication by [archiveofourown.org profile] screamlet | Star Trek (2009) | Kirk/Spock | Mature | 19,506 words | Detailing the first shore leave of the USS Enterprise.

Spock and Jim learning how to be friends is a favorite of mine, and this is basically everything I want: Spock and Jim getting drunk together on shore leave, hanging out at the beach, playing video games, and freaking everyone out with how good they're getting along. Starts Spock/Uhura, ends Kirk/Spock.
sonia: Quilted wall-hanging (Default)
[personal profile] sonia
The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture by Nora Samaran.

This whole article is amazing. It talks about how we as a society, as a culture, need to support men to be nurturing, and currently men learn that, if at all, in isolation, rather than with and from other men. It brings in attachment styles, and the pervasiveness of unneeded shame about the primal need for nurturing and attunement in all of us.

Here is a bit about shame:
In other words, shame and guilt, left subterranean, interrupt attunement, and can lead to an inability or unwillingness to properly respond to the needs of others, whether for nurturance or for space. I mean the really deep, structural kind of shame, that is so old and convincing, it doesn’t even appear as anything in particular. It just appears as ‘the way the world is,’ laid down in patterns in the limbic brain. This kind of shame hides, appears as nothing in particular, until questioned with compassion and curiosity, deeply, in safe company.

and another bit:
If a man with an avoidant attachment style experiences internal distress when someone he cares about expresses nurturance needs (such as the need for trust, reliability, availability, closeness, responsiveness, attunement) he may blame the woman for ‘being too needy’ instead of dealing with those intensely confusing feelings of shame.

and the core of the whole thing:
None of this is worthy of shame; fundamentally, all of the insecure styles are based in an unquestioned belief that people will not be there for them and that nurturance is somehow a problem rather than wholly desireable and good. Avoidant attachers ‘know’ from an early age that the ice will break, the chair will collapse, best not to try. Insecure attachment styles are not chosen, are not conscious or intentional, and it is an understatement to say they are not easy to change. They deserve understanding, compassion, and empathy.

And yet living without loving, secure attachment bonds is the loneliest experience in the human repertoire.

and a bit about protection:
To stop white knighting, don’t stop protecting; just protect while you also listen and believe. Protect her, actively, in the ways she actually wants protecting, and not in the ways she does not. Protecting people you care about – in ways that are attuned and responsive to their actual needs – is a normal, needed, and healthy part of nurturance.


The whole thing is hopeful and elegant and carefully thought out and so worth reading. Even the comments are worth reading (so far).

The Trojan Horse Was a Filly

Feb. 13th, 2016 06:38 pm
[syndicated profile] white_collar_fic_feed

Posted by karen11400

posting for Mums_the_Word

Title: The Trojan Horse Was a Filly
Author: Mums_the_Word
Genre: fanfiction cross-over with CSI: Cyber
Character: Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke, Mozzie, Avery Ryan
Rating: G
Word Count: 7636

Summary: When the FBI database is hacked, Neal acquires a stalker.

Read it here:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5976898/chapters/13735600
[syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed

Posted by BD

Truck Stop | CO, USA

(I am a 25-year-old female. A male customer, probably around my age, comes up to my counter where I’m cashiering. I notice his t-shirt, which has several Marvel Comics characters on it.)

Me: “I like your t-shirt.”

(Customer looks at me and raises an eyebrow, like he clearly doesn’t believe I’d be a comic book fan.)

Customer: *pretentiously* “Yeah, a lot of people say that. The real question is, which one is your favorite?”

Me: “Captain America, although I also have a fondness for the Hulk.”

Customer: “My favorites are Thor and Wolverine.”

Me: “I also really like Deadpool.”

(The customer pauses and looks confused.)

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “Deadpool.”

Customer: *clearly having no idea who Deadpool is* “Oh…”

(The guy behind him in line gave me an admiring look.)

The post Has A Decent (Dead)Pool Of Characters To Choose From appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

Festivids reveals!

Feb. 13th, 2016 09:52 am
starlady: David 8 holding the holographic Earth in wonderment. (when there is nothing in the desert)
[personal profile] starlady
The Festivids reveals are up, and you can see that I made three vids this year! 

[personal profile] sweetestdrain made me my excellent Byzantium vid, Remain Nameless! You should go get your fill of lady vampires if you haven't already, IJS.

My assignment was Relations of Life for [personal profile] niyalune, and I also made Galaxyrise as a treat for niyalune. Last but not least, I made Automatic Joy as a treat for [personal profile] winterevanesce.

I had a pretty good time with Festivids 2K15. I finished both vids for niyalune within six weeks, and then wound up finishing Automatic Joy just a few days before the deadline. I'm tempted to say, maybe next year when I'm not moving continents I should aim to make four Festivids, but I think three is a good number. I've been floored and flattered by the response to each of these vids, but especially to Galaxyrise, so let me just say, thank you so much to everyone who left a comment on all of them! I'm so glad you liked it.

I borked the links that the mods put up and have sent the correct versions to be edited into the masterlist. Next year I'll get this process right on the first go, I swear--third time's the charm, right? In the meantime, you can access streaming and downloads through the individual links on this post, and there will be AO3 and tumblr posts for all three eventually too. See you next year!

Nomination Clarification

Feb. 13th, 2016 07:59 pm
extrapenguin: The famous Earthrise photograph, cropped (earth)
[personal profile] extrapenguin posting in [community profile] space_swap
Do these fandoms contain space? Wikipedia has not been clear, and I would like for the nominators to clarify:
  • Final Fantasy XIII Series
  • Gundam 00F approved!
  • Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
  • Predators (2010)
  • Robotech Masters approved!
  • Robotech: The Macross Saga approved!
  • Transformers: Beast Wars
  • Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Nominations are still open!

Is it August yet?

Feb. 13th, 2016 12:58 pm
kass: Made by laurashapiro (nothing wrong with your vid)
[personal profile] kass
I registered for Vividcon!

Also apparently I was the first registrant, which tickles me.

\o/!



ETA: Aw, HELL. I just saw the news about [livejournal.com profile] vagabondage. I can't imagine VVC without Zen. Fuck cancer.

Now I really want to be there right now and hug all of you. May her memory be a blessing for all who knew her; may we all be comforted, along with all who mourn.

Tumblr powers activate

Feb. 13th, 2016 12:33 pm
versaphile: (BB Fran Cool and Literary)
[personal profile] versaphile
I've been wanting to engage more with fandom lately. And seeing as how Merlin fandom is much more active on Tumblr, today I finally went through my follower list and added everyone back. I also followed a bunch of Merlin blogs from the Merlin Resource Page. Give to me all the fandom! *grabby hands*

As usual I am managing all this via Feedly. Though Tumblr apparently does a shitty thing and blocks Feedly from receiving some Tumblr blog RSS data. WTF? I'm compiling a list so I can pester them into unblocking. So far it includes:

http://merthur.tumblr.com/
http://barbitone.tumblr.com/
http://merlinhotrecs.tumblr.com
http://childliketendencies.tumblr.com
http://magic-in-us.tumblr.com
http://merlinfanart.tumblr.com

Feel free to join me in pestering Tumblr to stop RSS blocking. The more the better!

Speak of feeds, I've migrated almost all of the news-type rss feeds I follow over to Apple News. The only ones I still have in Feedly are those that for some reason aren't listed there (because News can't recognize the RSS, I guess). I really like the interface in News and the way it pops the good stuff out of the firehose. The only feature I really need there is that it should support Safari's Reader View. It's a weird oversight that it's missing. Also dark mode. Always dark mode. I want dark mode for the whole damn OS.

Keeping my mini posting spree going

Feb. 13th, 2016 05:46 pm
turps: (bite me)
[personal profile] turps
Apparently Electric Century's album is going to be available with Kerrang on March 9th

Hopefully that's true as it's very excellent news. Though really, their timing is off. Last year I got Mikey performing on stage with Gerard for my early birthday present, so obviously this release is a few weeks too late >:(

Unless Mikey performs with Gerard again on the day. Or Frank, or Ray. Hey, it could happen. Or I'd even take a new photo with Pete. Talking of, Pete and Mikey interaction on twitter. Always a good time.

It's nanna's 96th birthday today so we've been up to see her. She's doing well but is so flustered with getting ready for my cousin's wedding she's said to postpone her birthday dinner for a few weeks.

It's been sleeting all day today. It's cold and wet and horrible and I wasn't amused earlier. But, I'm home now, am about to go for my usual bath and book so the weather can do what it wants out there.
rivulet027: (Default)
[personal profile] rivulet027
Title: How Deadpool Saved Spiderman's Valentine's Day
Fandom: Marvel
Pairing: Spiderman/Deadpool
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Marvel. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Spiderman's having a bad Valentine's Day until Deadpool shows up.
A/N: Because Deadpool movie, how could I not? Written for slashthedrabbles on LJ prompt #387 Valentine's Day.

How Deadpool Saved Spiderman's Valentine's Day: )

Vietnamese Short Rib Stew

Feb. 13th, 2016 04:00 pm
[syndicated profile] marksdailyapple_feed

Posted by Worker Bee

stew 1There are many variations of Vietnamese beef stew, but what they all have in common are intensely aromatic herbs and spices. Star anise, cinnamon, lemongrass, cilantro, mint, basil…these ingredients turn beef stew into a vibrant meal, rather than a bland, beige bowl of meat.

Those herbs and spices don’t just smell good, though. There’s a reason herbs and spices have a spot at the top of the Primal Blueprint food pyramid.

Herbs and spices are full of antioxidants, health benefits and medicinal qualities.

Throw in some gelatin-rich short ribs, and this stew is about as nourishing as a meal can get.

Adding even more flavor and aroma, the ingredient list continues with ginger, garlic, fish sauce, and in this Primal version, coconut aminos. When this stew is simmering on your stove, even your neighbors across the street are going to smell it cooking. And they’re going to be jealous.

Servings: 4 to 6

Time in the Kitchen: 30 minutes, plus 2 to 3 hours to simmer

Ingredients:

spices
  • 2 pounds bone-in beef short ribs* (900 g)
  • 1 tablespoon lard or coconut oil (15 ml)
  • 1 yellow onion, finely chopped
  • 4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
  • 3 tablespoons tomato paste (45 ml)
  • 4 cups beef stock (or enough to just cover the short ribs) (950 ml)
  • 2 tablespoons coconut aminos (30 ml)
  • 2 tablespoons fish sauce (30 ml)
  • 3 3-inch/7.6 cm pieces of lemongrass, smashed with the flat side of a knife or a meat tenderizer
  • 2 star anise
  • 1 cinnamon stick
  • 1-inch/2.5 cm piece ginger, peeled and grated
  • 2 carrots, peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces
  • 1 daikon radish, peeled and cut into 1-inch/2.5 cm pieces

*This recipe can also be made with boneless beef stew meat

Instructions:

spare ribs

Season meat with salt and pepper. Heat lard in a wide Dutch oven or pot over medium-high heat. Add the short ribs in small batches, brown them on all sides. Transfer to a plate.

Decrease heat to medium and add onion. Cook until soft and brown, 8 minutes. Add garlic and tomato paste; cook for about 1 minute, stirring.

Add beef stock, coconut aminos, fish sauce, lemongrass, star anise, cinnamon and ginger.

Simmer with a lid for 2 to 3 hours or until meat is so tender that it easily falls from the bone. In the last 20 minutes of cooking, add the carrot and daikon radish to the pot.

The stew can be eaten immediately, but it also re-heats really well over the next few days.

Use coconut aminos, fish sauce, hot chiles, fresh lime, and fresh herbs like mint, Thai basil and cilantro to add more flavor to the finished stew.

stew 2
Shop Now

fuck cancer. cherish life.

Feb. 13th, 2016 11:04 am
heresluck: (Default)
[personal profile] heresluck
[livejournal.com profile] vagabondage passed last night. We knew it was coming, and [personal profile] renenet called in the evening to warn me that it would probably be soon, so I was... I don't know, kind of braced for it, maybe? when [personal profile] fan_eunice posted the news this morning. Zen went on her own terms, surrounded by the people she loved most, and I'm so glad of that.

But then [personal profile] killabeez commented that she was thinking about the shenanigans that Zen and Sandy could get up to together in a hypothetical afterlife, and I started sobbing and laughing at the same time, because jesus christ, CAN YOU IMAGINE.

And then VividCon registration opened, and all I can think is that this is going to be my first VividCon without Zen, and now I can't stop crying. Even before we were friends, even before I'd properly met her, she was part of VividCon for me, and I just... Fuck cancer, you guys. Fuck it.

I am constantly amazed by the people fandom brings into my life, people I'd never know otherwise and now can't imagine my world without. I'm so grateful for that. I don't say it enough, but I am.

And now I'm gonna go make some good food and then spend part of the afternoon talking about vids, and then call [personal profile] renenet just to be on the phone with her, because that's the best way I know how to honor Zen's memory: cherish life, have fun, eat well, love hard.

May we all live so fiercely.

#FuckCancer

Feb. 13th, 2016 12:20 pm
settiai: (Vidding -- settiai)
[personal profile] settiai
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but fuck cancer. The world's going to be a darker place without you in it, Zen.

If you haven't heard the news, Becca posted last night that Zen has passed away. She went out on her own terms, which is all that anyone can ask for, but she's very much going to be missed.

I can't help but feel that it's a bit ironic that today is the day that VividCon registration opens and Festivids reveals are taking place. It seems fitting, at least in a small way.

Canon Refuted

Feb. 13th, 2016 08:44 am
metatxt: overlapping red-teal-green color discs in shape of nuclear explosion, tv icon in center whitespace (art: tvpocalypse)
[personal profile] metatxt posting in [community profile] wiscon_vidparty
Hear ye! Hear ye! My name is metatxt supersplice, and I present "Free Thoughts on the Programming of the WisCon Vid Party!"

*record scratch*

(whispers)...oh Hamilton isn't here to make a case for the VID-OLUTION? *sigh* fine, I guess this part can wait until next time...


PLAYLIST PARTIERS AND WONDERERS OF WISCON!

We want as many people as possible to be involved in the programming for the party, and we prefer shorter blocks of programming rather than long vidshows. So, just like last year, we would like to invite you to curate a themed vid playlist (i.e. a short/mini vid show) that's 10-25 minutes in length, or 3-6ish vids long, to play at the party. Curators choose a theme and pick 3-6ish vids that fit the theme. If you're attending WisCon, you can introduce your playlist with a description of your theme (if you want!); if you aren't attending, you can write a little introduction and we will read it for you.

Here’s a list of playlists from previous years if you want to get an idea of how this has worked in the past.

For planning purposes, please let us know by commenting below or emailing vidparty.wiscon at gmail.com if you are planning to create a playlist.

More information on themes and curating )

We would like to gather playlists as soon as possible. Please get them to us by Friday May 6th at the latest! Email your playlist info to vidparty.wiscon at gmail.com.

Please note: this deadline is 10 days earlier than Premieres!


And once more, let us know in the comments below or by email if you are planning to curate a playlist!

Also feel free to comment below or contact us if you want to toss around potential ideas, suggest themes that other people might want to curate (if you don’t want to create the playlist yourself), or chat about vids that would be great to see at Wiscon!

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YOU NEED A BOOK

A POEM EVERY DAY

The collected poems from my descent into madness year spent writing daily poems are now available from Lulu as the cheapest 330-page book they would let me make ($16.20). If that's too pricey, you can also get it from Lulu as a free download, or just click on the "a poem every day" tag to read them here. But if you did buy one, that'd be awesome.

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